I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
