About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
