shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
