sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We got so high we made milksteak
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
