Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
