My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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