Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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