wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
