You can't special order awesome
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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