Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
