ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
