So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
