This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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