genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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