In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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