The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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