speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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