I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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