I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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