The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
