Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
