I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
