No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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