The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
