your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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