you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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