you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
