Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.