if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.