I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
