i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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