The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids