high people should be assigned attendants
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"