this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.