If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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