No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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