She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
