I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
