and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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