fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
