his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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