Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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