U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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