google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
