We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
