buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
