I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
