The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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