There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is the high leading the old right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
