No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
