C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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