Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
