walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
