so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
