She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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