You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
that is very illegal...i love you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
