Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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