then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
