Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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