bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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