If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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