White coat. Heels.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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