You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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