Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
