My hand turned me down
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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