I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
