So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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