That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
