They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
