If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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