his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
