omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
