Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
